By: Shradha Agarwal
“Bacche important hai ya career, said everyone in my family right before I was about to join work back. Only mom can take care of the child properly, why don’t you find some job where you can work from home. Initially I agreed and decided to quit my job because the thought of whether my lo (little one) will get proper nutrition, will get milk on time, will anyone at home able to understand his crying cues, use to make me really scared.” – Pooja Wadhwa Mother of 6 months old.
Like Pooja there are many new moms who go through various such dilemmas every day. The Dilemma – “To work or not to work” has gone out of the window for a lot of women today in the country because they understand the importance of their individuality. I am a member of some 12 mom groups on Facebook and WhatsApp today, none of them deny the importance of being self-independent, but the real question lies in is to continue or quit their current job and aspirations.
Here a list of 5 most common dilemmas that every new mom goes through and if you tick anyone of them also, you don’t have to quit your aspirations. Because like every other phase of your life this is also a phase and will go, all you need is a solid plan to make ends meet.
Dilemma #1 – Will anyone else take care of the child the way you do!
The LO is not your child only, s(he) is the child of the father and grandparents equally. They might not be 100% equipped but are equally capable of taking care of the child. And come on, you also didn’t know everything from day 0; you learnt with time and they will too. You made mistakes initially and they will too. You had a lot of questions and they will have too. So, get over this and let everyone raise the child together.
Yes, leaving child to creche is a different scenario but trust me there are various good ones now which take care of few child and do that well.
Dilemma #2 – What if my lo refuses to take milk from bottle
No human can stay hungry for long and so is your child. There might be chances that the child refuses to take breast or formula milk from the bottle in your absence but then you need to plan better. You should start exposing the child to bottles way before you join work so that s(he) is used to the same. And those ‘one off’ bad days where your child still refuses can come even in your presence. So, don’t panic on the call of your family member saying the child is refusing to feed from the bottle, tell them it happens and all they need to do is try after 1 hour so that s(he) is hungry enough not to avoid it.
Dilemma #3 – Is the routine for the baby on time!
Is the food being given on time, is the diaper getting changed on time, medicine being given on time… everyone follows a routine for themselves and hence following the same for a child is not difficult. All you need is to create a schedule and share it with the care taker. For the initial days you can call once or twice to double check on the routine being followed or not but otherwise you should make the person realize the importance of routine and its his/her equal responsibility to follow it for the benefit of the child. You can also use various baby tracker apps which can remind them about the routine.
Dilemma #4 – Will someone track milestones
It’s good to track milestones of the child, it helps us raise the child better. But we
all have been raised without such knowledge and we are just fine. So, if they don’t get tracked for your child its completely fine. While I do understand the importance of this, and that you would not want your child to be devoid of the same, then the best way here again is to use checklist and apps to monitor them and making your family also aware about the importance as well as the usage. You can do a double check at the end of the day or week because each milestone and activity are valid for a month or two and not a day.
Dilemma #5 – Will the baby be attached to you the same way
Have you ever seen a child not being close to the father ever, irrespective of the fact whether the child is raised by him the same way you have done? So, if you go to work for x hrs. how will your LO’s attachment towards you decrease? Every child has a phase
- My mom dad are everything
- My friends are everything
- My G/BF is everything
- My partner is everything
- My child/family is everything
No matter how much you do, your kid will go through all these phases and you will be a part of their life during each phase. So, focus on how you have your share throughout their life than having it all in phase 1.
So all you new moms out there, a child is really dependent on you in the first few years of their life but then they go out to be independent, so sacrificing your aspirations for the child and regretting later is more harm than good to yourself and the child too. Because one decision the child takes against your wishes you start questioning your sacrifices.
And do keep in mind that you are not under any debt if a family member contributes to make that plan work, it’s their responsibility equally. As very well said ‘It takes a village to raise a child’.
The writer Shradha Agarwal
is COO, Grapes Digital